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Zen Dating: 10 Ways To Become A Peaceful Date
This post details the lessons Joe has learned regarding male-female relationships. It attempts to fit dating into a Zen and Buddhist lifestyle. This post is more for me than it is for you. My ideas may or may not resonate with you.
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My dear friend Whitney was in town the other week, and one of the things we talked quite a bit about was how Buddhism has helped her feel more at peace with life. She wrote a fantastic essay for this month’s Marie Claire about how she converted after being a life-long atheist. One of the key things Buddhists try to keep in mind: When someone does something that makes you feel bad, it’s rarely the case that his goal was to hurt you. Rather, he was trying to make himself feel good, or happy–or, at least, to minimize his own pain or discomfort as much as possible.
Which is kind of a long way of saying: Don’t take it personally. Familiar as that might sound, it was good to hear what Whitney was explaining—so good that I decided to find out if there was some Buddhism guru out there who might have some tips about how to “stay Zen” while dating. So I did.
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Dating is not an easy affair. And if you are a spiritual person, dating can be even trickier. Finding someone who shares that same spiritual principles as you and who you feel is the right match, is a struggle. There are a few keys that you can follow to get the most out of your dating and find someone that is truly compatible for you.
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The Zen approach to dating is to cut through all the games, to be your authentic self and to be present and compassionate toward whoever is with you. We want all kinds of things from other people when we date them. We want love, acceptance, appreciation, understanding, confirmation, sex, commitment, money, security, healing, and on and on.
We bring every want and need in our lives into our relationships. In a dating situation it is a brand new relationship and so we play the game of pretending that we are complete, have lots to offer and need nothing. Playing that game is already taking something from the other person as we rely on them to support the fantasies we project about ourselves.
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Do you feel that your partner doesn’t get how you feel and is it difficult to share negative feelings with them. Read this article together and practice deeper and more conscious listening. Instead, we wanted our communication to be more heartfelt, conscious, and intentional. In turn, this allows us to choose more of what we want for the future for ourselves and for our conscious relationships. Intimate relationships are hard to maintain!
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Some things just don’t want to die. Much to my surprise, a little piece I published over 10 years ago, about a certain type of spiritual guy I found myself dating in my early twenties, set alight a dormant flame throughout the world. Originally published in the anthology “Radical Spirit,” “Zen Boyfriends” was rapidly translated into multiple languages, and I soon learned that Zen boyfriends were found in Italy, Spain, France and even communities in Thailand and other parts of Asia.
More years on the path brought more Zen boyfriends and infinite variations on the theme, not only for myself but from my clients and from readers and seekers everywhere. I hope you enjoy the snippets from the original writing and revised theater production, and please share your stories! At a certain stage in my own spiritual development, I began to attract a new breed of men that over time I came to call “Zen boyfriends.
He could be a Tibetan Buddhist, a Sufi, or even a practitioner of some obscure brand of yoga. The more rigid the tradition, the better for this type.
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Three Bach Flowers to help you open yourself to others and not to be discouraged in the search for a new relationship. This site contains a significant amount of information. This is not a medical site. The exempted reflections, can never be a substitute for a consultation with a doctor or therapist that you return for your follow-up contact. Coming on stock. Use Composition Packing Bundle 3 flowers to open at the possibility of a meeting You want to meet someone and you invest in a new relationship, but you are sometimes discouraged e because you do not find someone they like or who you really dare to be yourself?
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